Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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