What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
