Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
