meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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