How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
