Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
