im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
