y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
