We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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