So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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