she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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