Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
