On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
