I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I am naked and annoyed.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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