I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
