Yo dont text me then not text me
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
