toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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