I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
