Slut skills are useful in every country.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
