In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
