i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
