i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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