Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
