Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
