I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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