Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
