eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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