Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
