If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I need a burrito and a hug.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
