dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
