so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I believe in your delicious
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