I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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