I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
