You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
