I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
