Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
