What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
