Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
