drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
