Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
