After last night, I could never be a politician.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
