girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
