ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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