Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
