but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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