She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
