You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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