Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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