you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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