but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
