dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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