I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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