i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
dude. I can hear the air.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
