Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
