i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
