I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
